EXPLAIN:

Up until this point, we've focused on: 

• how our behaviours and actions can be used by others 

• how the way we communicate can identify us to them 

• how our needs can lead us to make decisions that ordinarily we wouldn't have chosen 

We'll look at the potential outcomes of allowing this to happen during this activity, considering Marcus' situation and the possible consequences of his actions. Then we'll look at specific examples of relationships that just don't feel right and where someone might try to influence our thinking.

Introduce Learning Outcomes for this session. 

ASK: (open question to pupils by teacher)

• How does everybody feel about today's session and what we have learned so far? 

Pupils should indicate how they feel with a simple gesture such as thumbs up, thumbs down, or thumbs in the middle. You may wish to reassure anyone feeling uncomfortable by referring back to the ground rules and explaining that we will debate and challenge ideas, not each other. The purpose of this is to inform our thinking, which may require us to respectfully and appropriately disagree with each other. This is a vital part of any healthy debate. 

EXPLAIN:

Look back at the point in the story where Marcus' friends want him to join them in breaking into Old Man Baker's flat. 

Pupils should work in pairs and discuss the potential outcomes of Marcus' situation. 

ASK: (open question to pupils by teacher)

• What needs might be driving Marcus' choices at this point? 

• Which ones might be more important to Marcus than to the others?

Pupils should think back to the basic human needs: 

• to belong 

• to have power 

• to survive 

• to be free to choose 

• to enjoy life for its own sake 

SHOW: Slide 3: Basic human needs 

EXPLAIN:

Marcus' need to belong has brought him to this point.  His strongest driver might now be his need to survive  this situation.  However, he still has the power to make a positive or negative choice, and the right choice might not necessarily be the obvious one. 

Examples:

POSITIVE CHOICE - helping the old man 

• thinking about the human rights of the old man, 

• recognising that he is much more vulnerable than Marcus and therefore putting the old man's survival needs before his own by telling him or someone else, or 

• persuading his friends not to go through with what they are planning. 

NEGATIVE CHOICE - leave them carry on and do nothing 

• removing himself from active involvement in the situation and putting his own survival needs first but neglecting the old man.
  
  Note: this may open up an opportunity to talk about 'Joint Enterprise', where a person can be held accountable for their involvement, even if they didn't directly participate) 

Marcus is perhaps acting out of a need to belong and/or the sense of power this situation gives him. All of this has previously led him to make negative decisions. Now Marcus may also have to balance his need to be free and enjoy life, both of which could be under threat. 

Whatever the reason, the fact is that Marcus' needs have placed him in this situation. Marcus has been influenced, leading him to potentially make a negative choice. This could result in harm to others. 

EXPLAIN:

Doing harm to others is sometimes seen as a legitimate way to act. In some ways, the boys in the story felt that breaking into the old man's flat (and therefore ignoring how this might affect him) was fine. 

Some individuals and groups in our societies promote prejudice, hatred, and even violence against other groups or individuals. They'll often exploit others (particularly young people) to gain support for their views believing that doing so will get them what they want.

ASK:

• What do you think the following terms mean?

  • toxic
    (very harmful or damaging, where you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked) 

  • a toxic relationship
    (when your wellbeing is threatened in some way — emotionally, psychologically, and even physically)

SHOW: Slides 4-7: Terminology  to help pupils by talking through the definitions

EXPLAIN:

We will look at our relationships with other people and consider what makes them healthy or unhealthy. Defining and discussing good and bad relationships helps us to recognise them when we see them. It also means that we can seek out relationships with those people who have our - and everyone’s - best interests at heart.

It's important to note that toxic relationships are not limited to romantic relationships. They exist in families, in the workplace, and among friendship groups — and they can be extremely harmful, especially if you don't know how to change things, or protect yourself from such behaviour.

ASK:

• What do unhealthy or toxic relationships look like?

Allow pupils to briefly discuss in small groups and then encourage them to feed their discussions back to the whole class, drawing out the following points relating them back to the previous session on basic human needs and how these might drive someone to behave in a toxic manner. 

Try to highlight:

• When there are negative behaviours: Some people's constant complaining, critical remarks, and overall negativity create a toxic environment. Other toxic traits may include perfectionism, unhealthy competitiveness, and frequent lying. A person may also let their insecurities bring out the worst in them. 

• When one (or both) people lack self-awareness: Sometimes people are unaware of their negative effect on others. They also may not know healthier ways to communicate. It's likely that they don't know how to read social cues well enough to know when they're frustrating people or making them feel like they are being criticised or ignored.

• When a person intentionally hurts others: Some people are deliberately rude and hurtful. You may feel singled out and targeted in these situations through their mean words and actions. A person may also try to control or manipulate you, which is toxic behaviour.

• When a friend is constantly lying: If a friend continually lies to you without trying to change their behaviour, it adds a toxic element to the relationship.

• When a person is abusive: When people repeatedly and intentionally hurt you, their behaviour can be considered abusive. Whether they are constantly gossiping about you or physically harming you in any way, abuse is never OK.

ASK:

• How do 'bad' or 'toxic' relationships make us feel?

Draw out examples from the following lists. These will also form the basis of Activity 3.

ASK:

• Why then, do you think others engage in these toxic behaviours?

EXPLAIN:

As we saw in the story, this is often about how others might feel. 

When someone feels left out, less important, or has less of a say within a group, one way they might try to overcome this is to criticise and diminish others in the hope that by lowering their status, they increase their own. When someone feels less liked, they can exaggerate their behaviour to appear dominant, in control or attract the greater attention of the (peer) group. Their needs are then damagingly influencing their own behaviour, and if others allow them to be affected, they, too, are influenced. These behaviours can then grow among our groups, communities and even society, where they might become 'normalised' (i.e. become a regular part of how people act towards each other). We should therefore make our own choices and work hard to avoid being influenced either by our own basic needs (if they drive negative behaviour) or by the choices and needs of others.

Of course, there are some legitimate reasons why we might want to appeal to a group, and the explanation might be found in our evolutionary past. Historically, status within a group brought protection, food, and respect, ultimately leading to a greater probability of survival. So it's programmed into us to seek the acceptance of others.

However, generally speaking, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can be described as toxic. These unhealthy relationships can exist in just about any context, from the playground to the home to very intimate relationships between two people. You may even deal with toxic relationships among your family members.

EXPLAIN:

Not all toxic relationships are abusive; however, all abusive relationships can be considered toxic. In a toxic relationship, there is usually a lack of respect or boundaries. Sometimes, this behaviour occurs without the person realising they're doing it. Still, if it's consistently repeated with the active intent to harm the other person, the relationship could be considered abusive. Abuse can take many forms—psychological, emotional, or physical. We all need to have people we can trust and confide in, and we'll look at this in more detail next time.

Note: Ensure pupils know how your school can support them if they have any concerns triggered by what you have been discussing during the session. You may need to consider this and any disclosures in line with your school’s safeguarding practices.

EXPLAIN:

Only you can tell if the bad outweighs the good in a relationship. Still, if someone consistently threatens your wellbeing by what they're saying, doing, or not doing, it's likely an unhealthy or toxic relationship. 

We must be the ones who make our choices, and we must remove ourselves from relationships with those who want to satisfy their needs, not ours. We've talked about how people might want to influence us to improve their own lives or feelings of worth, and not always because they have poor intent towards us. We must recognise such behaviour to remove us from harm and prevent us from following others unquestioningly. 

Here are some examples of situations and behaviour that could demonstrate harmful or toxic influence:

SHOW: Slide 8: Toxic influence

• You give more than you're getting, which makes you feel devalued and depleted.

• You feel consistently disrespected or that your needs aren't being met.

• You feel a toll on your self-esteem over time.

• You feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.

• You feel depressed, angry, or tired after speaking or being with the other person.

• You bring out the worst in each other. For example, your competitive friend brings out a spiteful competitive streak that is not enjoyable.

• You are not your best self around this person. For example, they bring out your gossipy side or seem to draw out a mean streak you don't usually have.

• You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around this person to keep from becoming a target of their venom.

• You spend a lot of time and emotional strength trying to cheer them up.

• You are always to blame. They turn things around, so things you thought they had done wrong are suddenly your fault

EXPLAIN:

To determine if a relationship is becoming toxic, it's essential to look at which behaviours are most frequently displayed. If one or both of you are consistently selfish, negative, and disrespectful, you could create toxicity in the relationship. On the other hand, if you're primarily encouraging, compassionate, and respectful, then there might just be specific issues that you need to address. Recognising the signs of toxicity — whether in you or the other person is essential. 

Let’s look back through the example from the story we examined in the first activity. Note how Marcus' relationship with his friends is a probable driver of these needs.

Refer pupils to the list they came up with earlier in the session, adding any below that they didn't come up with and then using this as the basis to complete Resource Sheet 8AA: Relationship radar. 

Working in threes, find, note and discuss your examples using Resource Sheet 8AA: Relationship radar.

You might ask half of the class to focus on the relationship between Marcus and Luka (the boy who tries to get him to go along to Mr Baker's flat) and the other half to focus on the relationship between Marcus and Andy to contrast the different types of relationship.  lternatively, you could task pupils to review the story to see if there are other examples of behaviours that you think might be becoming toxic.

Allow pupils time to discuss their ideas and ask a few to share their thoughts with the class. 

EXPLAIN:

You’ve plotted your relationships and so you should be able to see a shape to that relationship. Is it mainly ‘small’ and negative with scores close to the centre, suggesting that it is unhealthy? Or is it mainly ‘large’ and positive suggesting it is healthy?

Discuss their results and compare and contrast the different opinions on the same relationships if there are some. 

If there's time, and if appropriate, follow this up with pupils by getting them to think about one of their own relationships and plot it on a new copy of the Resource Sheet 8AA: Relationship radar.

EXPLAIN:

Research shows that the exact needs that led Marcus to the situation at the old man's flat are also used to drive, influence or 'groom' individuals to participate in harmful behaviour, even among their friends. 

Today, we've seen the potential impact of negative influence and toxic behaviours, and we've learned that while we all have a choice and the right to exercise our choices, we must ensure that others, too, enjoy a similar right to make choices, even if they might not align with our own.

ASK:

• What have we learned that can help ensure we don't get drawn into negative behaviours?

Pupils should think of one positive thing they could do to make themselves more resilient to negative behaviours (e.g. try to live by British values, promote and protect the rights of others, especially children, etc.). Encourage them to talk about how they might better manage their relationships with others, as this will be a crucial feature of the next session.

Briefly poll the class to compile a list of pupils' ideas.